mother,monster,drugs,death,child,sad,try,fate,desiney
I watched
because I couldn’t help you
I couldn’t aid you
it wouldn’t let me.
I watched your smile turn to a grin
I watched your blue eyes fade to grey
I watched your young soft skin begin to sag
I watched your beautiful pink cheeks sink in.
I watched your hands lose control
I watched your body disappear into
the mirror of dirty tin foil
used to hold your crystal
before your lungs held its sweet breath.
I watched death take residence in your body
I watched the self inflicted holes and scabs
take their place on your arms
I was never able to watch what you were so deprately
trying to evict from underneith your flesh
you told me to nevermind.
I tried to talk to you
but your absense was clear
I tried to lock you away from the bad
but you never failed to escape into its grasp
I screamed for you out of fright
but anger is what you heard
I begged you to come home
and you only flew further away
as the flightless bird you were.
I tried to save you
and I failed.
I watched you die.
The days I remember
are the days when I held you in my arms as you cried
I remember folding your hair behind your ears
wiping your tears from under your leaking eyes
with my thumbs
I remember your smile
your innocent questions of the world before you
I remember you as a child
you loved letting your hair go wild
I gave up trying to tame it
but I never gave up on you
because when I was about to
these memories brought you back to life in my heart.
I remember you.
And now, I try to write your story
I try to tell a million more
I try to warn naive minds
of the damage the monster has in store
I try to be a good mother
and maybe I’m years late
I’ve learned that watching my child die
might determine anothers fate.
And so I try.
And so I try.